People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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