I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize