My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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