I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
