the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
