so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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