I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
