turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
