whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Randomize
