So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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