I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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