If i come over, it means nothing
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
