11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
