the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
