Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
