am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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