ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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