We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
