I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
