careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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