She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
