I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
