There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
