A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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