Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So many bounce houses so little time
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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