Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
