did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
