she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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