The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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