she looked like the before picture.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
