Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize