Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
