My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
