I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
