is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
