I'm so fucking centered right now
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize