New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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