Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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