I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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