he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize