I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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