I just saw a hot homeless man
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
