He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
