This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We got so high we made milksteak
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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