I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
