Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
