When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize