It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
