Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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