My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
