dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
