you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
