im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize