somebody snuck up and got me drunk
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
