So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Bring me that man meat
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
