Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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