I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i don't like sucking hair
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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