my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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