Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
