are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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