Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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