So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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