I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
