69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
